Midngiht thoughts of a forlorn monk
by Rissi-Sama
Summary: Miroku begins to note the growth on his Kazanna and decides he must leave (A/N- how many times has a fic been written like this....HONESTLY!)


Disclaimer: I do not own Miroku, Sango or anyone else featured in my FanFic. This all belongs to Rumiko Takahashi  
  
I stare at the hole on my hand and reluctantly note that day- by- day it grows larger, if only by small centimeters. Those minute measurements make it more difficult to arrest every day. I wonder if my father noticed this before he passed. I shudder at the memory of his death. I was devastated and yet somehow understood, though my understandings as a child much impact on my adult awareness of finality. Now, as I gaze at this ever-growing hole on my hand, I know my fate, and unless something is done soon my end will be the same as my fathers. Immeasurable emotional pain will come to those around me, especially to Sango, whom I treasure in my heart above all. I look around the group. I'm not just going to hurt Sango, but I'll even be hurting Inuyasha. I realize now I have to abandon the group to protect them from myself. My day of reckoning will come sooner than they think. I sit up leaning my back against the wall of the hut. "It's time to go." I have to repeat that to myself so I have the willpower to leave them behind. After I gather my things I head off carefully avoiding those resting. I approach the door to leave the hut. I look back sadly. I really don't want to leave them but I will, I have to for their sake. I somberly walk out the door, and go back to my old life of wandering in vital abject.  
  
"Stupid hut door! Why don't these things ever work?" I mutter. Shivering under the covers on my futon. I try my hardest to ignore the icy chill that surrounds me, but to no avail. Grumbling I get up to shut the door. I approach the frame shivering as I near it. "Why would the door be opened anyway? The lock looked pretty strong to me." I shrug my shoulders and close the door. I turn to go back to bed but stop short "Where's Miroku? That must've been why the door was opened! He didn't leave, did he?" My mind races " Now that I think of it he's been staring at his Kazanna much more than he usually does. Maybe he left so he could not hurt us when he." "Curses!" I mutter attempting to banish the thought of Miroku's demise. But it's already too vivid in my mind, and so hard to forget. I look at my warm bed, and then I glance over to the closed hut door. I just can't let Miroku leave! I rush out shivering in the cool breeze,  
"Miroku! Don't leave us! Where are you?" I scream to the air hoping the sound carries to Miroku. I run to the end of the clearing and look over the dark horizon hoping he hears me.  
  
"Miroku! Don't leave us! Where are you?" "Is that Sango's voice sounding like a nightingale on the wind? It must be! How could I be so heartless and just leave her behind without an explanation? That's it I must be going back for awhile to talk with her. She'll understand." I begin to run toward the clearing where the hut is. My eyes frantically scan the horizon for an irregular shadow, then I see her. It is Sango. But she's kneeling on the ground, facing the direction of the hut. She's sniffling, "Have I hurt her that much by leaving?" I come to a stop several feet away.  
"Sango" I say to her, "Let me explain why I must go!" She turns her head towards me and rises. The moonlight makes her tears visible. She slowly walks toward me, lowering her head, ashamed of her tears. I walk towards her. We are but a foot apart.  
"Sango," I begin calmly gazing warmly into her downcast eyes, "I must leave. When I was a child I watched my father be sucked into his Kazanna. From that I have never recovered. And I don't mean to hurt you by leaving, but I feel my time will come soon and I never want you to see that. It would be unfair to you and to the rest." She looks up at my face. Her sad eyes comprehending, but not accepting. I wait patiently for her to respond.  
  
"I must leave. When I was a child I watched my father be sucked into his Kazanna. From that I have never recovered. And I don't mean to hurt you by leaving, but I feel my time will come soon and I never want you to see that. It would be unfair to you and to the rest." How could he be so daft? I look up to him, and he analyzes my expression. I walk closer to Miroku till we are inches apart and take his beaded hand, and I hold it within both my hands.  
"Miroku, I know you'll die someday. It may be soon. But people here care for you and will stand by you and it doesn't matter to them how much pain this may cause if it happens. Friends share burdens with each other. So you'll find when your end eventually comes, it will be easier to pass with ones you love, than it will be to pass alone." I said to him my eyes not wavering from his. Miroku turns his head to the side, thinking over what I have said. Then he faces me again. He puts his hand on my shoulder.  
  
When she grabbed my hand and lightly caressed it I was slightly shocked. I thought she didn't trust me! Then she uttered quietly  
"Miroku, I know you'll die someday. It may be soon. But people here care for you and will stand by you and it doesn't matter to them how much pain this may cause if it happens. Friends share burdens with each other. So you'll find when your end eventually comes, it will be easier to pass with ones you love, than it will be to pass alone." I think a little about what she said and it made sense to me. But then I think of the pain I beheld and went through after my father's demise and decide I must stand by my conviction of leaving. I take a deep breath and grasp both her hands within mine.  
"Sango, I have to go! I feel that staying will only cause you more pain. That I cannot bear." I embrace her. She rests her head upon my chest and sighs sadly.  
  
"Miroku! Why do you remain perfectly willing to leave! Don't you know I love you?" I think to myself in anger, which is expressed by quiet sobbing on his chest. He absentmindedly strokes my hair and tries to console me. It's no use. With him leaving I cannot be consoled I love him and he abandons me. I've had enough of being abandoned I will try to deter him from leaving with all my power, and all that's in me.  
"Good Bye Sango and please understand why I'm leaving. Please Sango understand." Miroku says. He holds me tightly for several more seconds. He lets me go and brushes a tender and soft kiss on my forehead. As he walks away I fall to the ground sobbing relentlessly, in anger, in sadness.  
"Miroku.. you too in the end abandon me." I said then fell into a tearful slumber.  
  
I hug Sango for the last time and then I leave, fighting back tears. I hear sobbing for a while I thought it was just the wind, reflecting the mood of the night that lay past me. I look back to see if Sango had yet gone to bed, but it was her sobbing that filed the air. Then I understand what I did to her to hurt her. I begin to walk ahead. I am so ashamed of myself for doing that to her I cannot face her it is too painful for me.  
  
The Next day: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As morning breaks I wake up on my futon in the hut. It must have all been a dream I sigh in happiness. Then I glance around the room Miroku's not here. It apparently was no dream after all. I think back to the previous night, he left me. Miroku had abandoned me like everyone else that ever loved me. I fight back tears and sit up. Inuyasha and the rest still lie resting. The sun had come up. I decide to go outside. I breathe in the fresh morning air as I leave the hut and stand outside. It takes several minutes for my eyes to adjust to the light of day. And as I finally look upon the sunny morning sky, I glance down to the woods and at the leafy bows that Miroku left and I parted beneath. A single tear fell upon my cheek. "He is gone now; I just have to accept that. That he like everyone else has left me." I fight more tears.  
"Sango- chan, why are you sad?" a voice from behind me asks. I jump it isn't Kagome her voice is not that low. I turn around slowly. It's Miroku! I run and hug him. He seems slightly shocked but welcomes the embrace. I sigh in happiness.  
  
Sango hugged me, with passion and spirit. I'll admit I really scared her there; I also scared myself as well. I really had planned to leave it all behind. Then her joyous mood abruptly changes as I grope her backside.  
"MIROKU!" Sango protests slapping me, "Last night was all an act, wasn't it? Just so you could get a very easy and free feel! I hate you, you lecher!" I laugh amusedly at her antics. Then I quickly grab her again she cries out in protest. I kiss her passionately. She is now quiet and bewildered.  
"Oh Miroku this means you wont.." I interrupt her.  
"No Sango, I wont ever abandon you." I say. 


End file.
